February 26, 2007

I've Been Out Walking

I've been out walking,
I don't do too much talking these days,
These days.
These days I seem to think a lot,
About the things that I forgot to do,
And all the times I had the chance to.

I stopped my rambling,
I don't do too much gambling these days,
These days.
These days I seem to think about,
How all the changes came about my way,
And I wonder if I'll see another highway.















And I had a lover,
I don't think I'll risk another these days,
These days.
And if I seem to be afraid,
To live the life that I have made in song,
Well it's just 'cause I've been losing so long.

Well I'll stop my dreaming,
I don't do too much scheming these days,
These days.
These days I'll sit on cornerstones,
And count the time in quartertones to ten,
Please don't confront me with my failures,
I had not forgotten them.

I've Been Out Walking,
Jackson Browne

February 19, 2007

Why Bother?

I remember a space in the basement of the DeVries Science Building at Calvin where I liked to hang out between classes. Natural light filtered down through the atrium above from skylights four or five stories high. Much of the interior structure was exposed, revealing stairs and crosswalks overhead. At the base of a column, near the floor, someone had impressed a small epitaph into the surface which coated the concrete - "why bother?"

It was a question that I was oft to ponder in the DeVries basement, vaguely aware of the bustle and activity above. The burden of all my amassed perceptions and limited understanding was becoming too much to bear. I felt like I was thrashing around in the dark, groping and jabbing out of pure desperation, not finding anything to hold onto. I had essentially come to the conclusion that my world and the lense through which I viewed it were predicated on euphemisms, persistant denial, desperation, and all-out lies. The pillars upon which my universe was constructed were not slowly eroding; they were vaporized.

Imagine you are born into an all-compassing shell. Although it poses no threat, it is dense and restricts you to only the smallest range of motion. It does, however, nourish and keep you insulated. Of course, in order to accomplish this, all your potential for self-destruction must be suppressed.

There would be little cause for frustration if it weren't for the occasional streak of light, delivering the idea of an outside world. You become engaged by this concept, building knowledge. In a rush of enlightenment you burst free of the former confines and restrictions of the shell, annihalating its power over you. For a fleeting moment you are bathed in sunlight, free at last to explore untethered being.

Unfortunately, as you soon realize, the very bubble which nearly suffocated you also kept you afloat in a bottomless sea of nothingness. Celebration is rapidly replaced by panic, but there's nowhere to go and you don't know how to swim. Let the sinking begin.

P.S. - The "Big Steps" in the title of this blog refer to growth and changes in my way of thinking about the world, resulting in part from a liberal arts education. I took a few big steps and before I knew it the door had slammed shut behind me.

IF IGNORANCE IS BLISS, 'TIS FOLLY TO BE WISE.
Is ignorance bliss? Is the grass always greener? Have you ever met anyone who kept a New Year's resolution? [No.] Did they make (and break) one the year before? [Yes.] Is refusing to be sustained by an endless cycle of self-delusion a blessing or a curse?

February 03, 2007

NYC Delivery

4:45PM - Parcels parking lot, Wilmington. "Hey, Pete, how about New York?"
4:52PM - Young Conaway, Brandywine Bldg. "The box is in the mailroom."
5:07PM - Wilmington Trainstation. "You're on Track 2." Ticket: $135
5:12PM - Onboard Amtrack Acela express train for New York City, carrying a single box.
7:03PM - Penn Station, NYC. Get into cab and out of rain, trying to keep box dry. Cab: $12
7:19PM - Cab drops me off at corner of 51st West and 6th avenue, three blocks from the hotel.
7:40PM - Michelangelo Hotel, 4th floor. Addressee signs for damp box. No tip.
8:02PM - Long wait for a cab outside the hotel, finally get one. Back to Penn Station, $7.
8:15PM - Purchase return ticket ($71) for next train (9:05PM).
9:08PM - Train is rolling, Wilmington bound.
11:00PM - Back at Parcels, get ride to parking lot and drive to Newark. Home by midnight.

February 01, 2007

Joe's Pond, Vermont

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

My first day working at MetroColor (Parcels' color printshop). I get in at noon, cut a few display boards and am dismissed by 4:00. To the parent's house to collect ski goggles, hats, gloves, etc. (it's going to be cold...more on that later). I forget my insulated winter boots, as well as neglect the neoprene face masks at the bottom of the ski bag. Back to Newark for packing and departure.

7:30PM, off to Phelps Lane to meet the group at the Jones house. Pete Jones is late in coming and we don't leave until 10. Stop in Upper Darby or Lower Contchy, or Baliwhowhatz Philadelphia to pick up the ubiquitous Jordan the Jew. Northwards!

5:45AM, January 26. Thursday morning, arrive at the cabin. The outside thermometer in the Jeep is reading -23 F, and I am impressed that it is calibrated to go that low. I am also wishing I had my insulated boots. The cabin is warm thanks to a previous arrival from the group, and despite being tired from the road the growing group opts to kick off the weekend by drinking into the morning. I sleep until after 5PM; the cycle begins afresh.

After dinner on Thursday we start a $10 buy in 11-handed Hold'em tournament. I feel like I am playing perfectly, and work my way into the final 5 with a decent stack - but the blinds are getting high. I have a little over 2000 chips and limp in for 100 under the gun with two Kings in the hole. The button called - I wanted him to raise - but Jordan cooperates nicely by raising to 300 from the small blind. To my delight the big blind decided to call. Now there was 800 chips in the pot, and I didn't get cute - I re-raised for all my chips. Jordan called quickly and showed me two sixes (a generally weak hand, and one that I am a 4.5:1 favorite to beat). I assure him that he's not dead yet just in time to watch a six peel off on the flop - hooray! I steam my way over to the fireplace wondering how much lift tickets at Stowe cost.


I discover Friday that the answer is $59 for a half-day pass. Tack on the $75 for two-day ski and boot rentals and the cost of additional cold weather gear and my fragile bankroll is looking pretty bleak. That 5000 chip pot last night might have enabled me to discount $60 from my travel expenses, oh well. Even during the daytime the thermometer at Stowe's summit was at 20 below zero, and I'm loving my new leggings ($35), facemask ($26), and glove liners ($18). Especially because the gondolas are not running due to extreme weather conditions. The high-speed quad ride to the top of the mountain takes a delightfully long time (big mountain), and provides amazing views of the surrounding peaks between shattering gusts of -45 degree chilly wind.

One positive aspect to skiing in such radical cold is that snow doesn't stick to clothes, which end up nice and dry. A downside (other than frostbite) is that any moisture freezes instantly. An ice scraper would have come in hands for my goggles, but despite difficult visibility the skiing was awesome. I stick to the "Vermont Blues" and am plently challenged by the intermediate slopes, but I feel good on the planks after a few years off (zero wipe-outs). Dan, Toma, Tyghe and myself get in four afternoon runs before the lifts close, Blaine bailed after one run, citing prohibitive cold. The whole group reconvenes in the lodge for a beer, capping an excellent half-day at Stowe.

The evening dinner tastes especially delicious on an empty skiing stomach, huge props to Pete Jones for the food preparations. Chicken parmesan for 18 people is no small order, and we finally ate around 8PM. I fared better in the after-dinner poker tournament on Friday, and eventually swung my way into the final two with Toma. We agreed to chop the prizes for 1st and 2nd after about a dozen hands of heads-up play. Profit: $40. Which happens to be exactly the price of a "student" lift ticket at Jay Peak, where we headed the next day...

Everyone gets up "early" on Saturday and we're out of the cabin by 10AM. The ski-rentals from yesterday are already loaded in the cars, and we head north to Jay Peak, which is near the Canadian border. I borrow Noah's University of Delaware ID and continue to make good use out of my new ski-mask at the outdoor ticket window. She never suspected a thing. The weather conditions are much more amenable today, and the skiiers in the group are more numerous today. We attack the mountain in small groups, opting for the quad lift over the long wait for the 60-person gondola ride to the summit. Five excelent runs breeze by and it's time for lunch. Bowl of chili: $5, Onion rings: $4, Bottled H20: $2, Cheeseburger: $4, Rolling Rock beer: $4. Overeating, overpaying, and loving it.

After lunch we get in line for the gondola, which gets packed to the gills with skiiers and their gear, nuts to butts. The ride to the top of the mountain is made more colorful as Jon "F-ing" Stull regales us (and everone else in the cab) with some bull words. I remember it being loud and inappropriate - derp! Incidentally, guess who snowboards. Any asinine chanting is quickly drowned out by the stark natural beauty at the peak of the mountain. The sidewinder trail that led us around the back of the moutain was amazing. Tyghe pointed out the "sundog" formed by sunlight refracting through tiny particles of frozen vapor in the air, an aparent rarity. The valley below us was completely blanketed in snow covered pines, untouched by the likes of trails and lifts and snowboarders from New York. It was an ethereal experience which I savored by skiing slowly...regretting that I had no camera. We get in a few more runs, including a rather tedious trek down "Bonzai Bonanza." For future reference, kiddies, stay away from trails with a surplus of the letter "z" in the name...

January 08, 2007

Poker?

Old habits die hard. The irony, of course, is that my new job is the primary source of temptation to resume my old ways. Poker, poker, poker.

Working at Parcels with a bunch of degenerates definitely contributed to my relapse into the desolate world of fear and loathing that is poker.







Loving every minute of it.

I have (AK) and raise to $4 on the button behind one limper in a toughish 4-handed game. BB Bossman reraises to $10, limper and I both call ($31 pot). Flop is KcJcXc (I do not have the Ac). It checks to me and I bet $10. BB check-raises to $20 (?). Limper folds, I grimace and call ($71 pot). Turn is non-club 10. Bossman now checks again (?!?). He could have flopped the nut flush (AcQc, etc.) and is slowplaying, but I read a lot of tentativeness in the small check-raise and subsequent check on 4th street. I put him on a medium strength hand, possibly a dry Ace of clubs. If my hand was good on the flop it should still be good.

What type of hand would he re-raise with from the BB, then play this way after the flop? He could have QQc, AcKx, or AAc. These are the hands I'm most worried about (even though I have the QQ beat and the AK tied, both hands can easily beat me on the river).

The small check-raise and following check make me think he's trying for a free card with the nut flush draw. I move all-in for my last $35 (NO FREE CARDS!). He balks for a second, but calls in a way the tells me I'm beat. He shows (JJ) and I'm dead to a Queen. At least I had outs.

I love moving into big pots with a marginal hand that could easily be drawing dead (almost as much as I love losing). Poker situations like that make me all warm and fuzzy. Of course, if I moved him off his hand or got paid off by a missed draw the play would have seemed pretty strong. Hell, I would have even settled for a little old Q on the river.

Lesson: pushing marginal hands which are either a slight favorite or a huge underdog will get you into trouble at No Limit Hold'em.

Alternative lesson: always fold AK. Always.

P.S. - A previous encounter in the same game:

I have (AK) and raise to $4 from late position in loose 6-handed game, multiple callers. Flop KK2, SB opens by shoving all-in. I Call. (22) wins the pot.

It's been over a year since my last post on Wealthy Street Poker. If I start winning money I'll have to reopen the annals. At this point I'm about even since I started working at Parcels (but I'm stuck for $130 in the office game, which is unacceptable). More to come.


October 16, 2006

Internet Gambling

Looks like I may have found a job just in time, because Paradise Poker might be history for U.S. players. In the past few years there has been some bubbling on Capitol Hill about online gambling, but major legislation and enforcement have not been swiftly implemented. Alas, all good things must come to an end. Now a major crackdown is taking effect on enforcing online-gaming laws.

The 1960's "Wire Act" was outlawed wagers placed over the telephone. It was meant to reduce illegal bookmaking operations which were and remain integral to organized crime. Now more legislation is coming through, precedented by the Wire Act, to criminalize placing wagers on the internet.

I just received a notification from FirePay, an online fund transferring company, that they will no longer service transfer of funds to/from online gambling accounts. This is a node of interest for my personal interaction with internet gambling and the laws about it in the U.S..

Previously I, and millions of others, interacted with gambling sites with almost complete autonomy, unaware and certainly unbothered by any legislature/enforcement thereof. I didn't really care whether or not transferring funds from my U.S. based FirePay account to off-shore poker servers was technically legal because all the businesses I was dealing with (my bank, FirePay, and Paradise Poker) were all legitimate corporations.

Now it seems as if the enforcement foot has come down, or is coming down anyway. The "Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act" is upon us.

Major credit card companies ceased accepting direct transfer of funds from online gambling accounts a couple of years ago (although most, from what I can tell, continued allowing purchases of chips at these sites). Now the powers that be have started breaking down any other form of fund transfers to these sites (Bush's name has been directly associated with all of this, including a reference as such in the email I got from FirePay).

It appears as if this new legislation is going to have a major impact on internet gambling within the United States.

P.S. (1/08/2007) - I've been reading up a bit on this topic. It seems that the passing of this law was spearheaded by conservatives in political asperation. Obviously the poker community is outraged, especailly because internet poker is not specified in the bill. Actually, the language regarding what exactly constitutes "Unlawful Internet Gambling" is non-existent. So, despite the fact that U.S. based financial institutions and the majority of offshore poker sites are declining business to U.S. internet gamblers, the law is open for interpretation and the poker community is rallying to do some battle. Good luck.

September 17, 2006

Speak!

Torturous cycle; doubt then distress,
Anxious of No; yearning for Yes.

Signal-crossed trap; means with no ends,
Speak once, fool!
So what of Just and Friends?






















Next to nothing is nothing, I guess.


Speak!
P.T. Roll

September 14, 2006

Don't Let the Disease Bring Us Down

We can move on further, don't worry.
The world is gone, no need to hurry.

The road is long, don't think about it.
Because life is short, we'll do without it.

We'll do without it somehow.
















MUTE MATH, Philadelphia November 4, 2006

July 11, 2006

Reading Review

Gotta love voluntary summer reading. In one life's many small ironies, the once despised task of reading assigned books for the upcoming school year has segued naturally into a preference for reading my own selection of books during the warm months. The hard part is forcing myself to read actual literature, not just books about poker. That being said, here's a sketch of the books I've read so far this season:

The Professor, the Banker, and the Suicide King, Michael Craig, nonfiction. The tagline for this book appearing under the title on the cover is "Inside the Biggest Poker Game of All Time." Craig's text is easy to read, without suffering from the downright childishness that plagues some other poker non-fiction. The story he unfolds is unavoidably compelling, even for anyone who doesn't know who Howard Lederer, Andy Beal or Ted Forrest is.

What the book does most successfully, even beyond its incisive and accurate accounts of the fabled "Big Game," is to portray the nature of these larger-than-life individuals who willingly and literally risk millions on the turn of a card every day. The glitter and pomp of Texas banker Andy Beal's challenge to the top professional poker players for nearly every dollar they could scrape together is not only an interesting poker tale, but a curious depiction of our shared humanity. The need to gamble is a mutated over-grown aspect of that which afflicts these great players. Only the most talented can overcome their addiction by finding a way to channel it into success. Terrifying and thrilling.


The Gambler, Fyodor Dostoyevsky, novel. I saw a cartoon once, I think it was a FarSide. It showed a man reading on the beach being confronted by an officer, "Sir, Dostoyevsky is not appropriate summer reading." Book police. Talk about delving into the depths of humanity. I have never previously read any Dostoyevsky (D.), I managed to dodge Brothers Karamozov in high school and didn't take a second glance. It was only after reading references to his work in two of the great poker non-fictions (Alvarez's Biggest Game in Town and McManus' Positively Fifth Street - both of which I've re-read also this summer) that my interest was piqued. The line quoted by McManus appears near the end of the novel, and is roughly, "The mere sound of chips nearly sends me into convulsions," spoken reflectively by the story's anti-hero Alexis Ivanovich, a void college graduate with dubious employment history, relying on gambling to meet his needs (um....).

He theorizes, "Russians are too richly and mutifariously endowed to be able to find a decent form for themselves very quickly. It's a matter of form. For the most part, we Russians are so richly endowed that it takes genius for us to find a decent form. Well, but most often there is no genius." Needless to say, I associated deeply with the D.'s thoughts spoken through Ivanovich. Again (as I am told is common to D.) the ending is dark and cryptic (sort of like death, no?). You know you're back to good literature when there is no distinct ending and it's at least implied that the main character dies painfully. Good book, definitely not appropriate summer reading.

One of a Kind, Nolan Dalla and Peter Alston, nonfiction. "The rise and fall of Stuey 'The Kid' Ungar, the world's greatest poker player." I found this book to be excellent. It may not be as literary as Dostoyevsky, or even Alvarez for that matter, but the story that it tells is rich with meaning. Stu Ungar isn't in Rounders and you won't hear a lot about him on ESPN commentary, but the often unspoken fact is that he won the main event at the World Series of Poker an unprecedented three times. While he was alive he was undisputed as the world's best gin player. His mind was truly...well, the title of the book pretty much gets it. Like the players depicted in Professor, Banker, Suicide King, Stuey had the gift/curse. His life was amazing, tortured, blessed, enviable, and pitiful. He epitomizes the great tensions that strain humanity: glimpses of pure greatness at odds with the chains of compulsion and addiction. Although the text does not portray him as the most personable guy, I would like to have met Stu.

Those are the three I've read already. I started Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead, but it's like a bujillion pages long and I'm beginning to second guess the decision to buy the $8.95 verion with teeny-tiny print crammed into small pages over the $20 one with good production value. Maybe I can check out a readable version from the library and leave my copy on the intellectual trophy case (aka bookshelf).

9.17 Update

Sophie's World, Jostein Gaarder. This self described "novel about the history of philosophy," was basically an intro philosophy textbook thinly disguised by a fairly disposable plot. Nonetheless, I did enjoy refurbishing my limited knowledge of said philosophical history. The story was vague and peripheral for over half the book, but it did take an interesting turn. However, I thought the plot disintegrated at the conclusion. Tricky to recommend for anyone other than intro philosopy types, probably hard to plough through all the textbooky stuff if philosophy isn't your thing.

On Art and Life, John Ruskin. A pamphlet actually, from Penguin Press's "Great Ideas" series which include other pamplets by the likes of Machiavelli, Payne, Nietzche, Darwin, etc.. Ruskin was actually referenced briefly in the previous Gaarder text, which I thought was interesting, considering I acquired both books at random. Anyway, this is one of those looks smart on the coffee table kind of books, a real pain to actually read. But when I finally did get around to forcing the old-timey english down I found remarkable relevance in Ruskin's ideas about division of labour and originality and creativity in the workforce. He calls for a "humanizing" of the worker, have the worker think and the thinker work. Now if I could just get a job.

"You must either make a tool of the creature, or a man of him. You cannot make both."

Back to the Island

The last time I went to Peaks Island was in 2003. At that time I was home after the first year of college and working two jobs simultaneously. Remarkably, myself and two high school friends all found correlating time off work around the 4th of July to shoot up to Maine for a few days (the island is a 20 minute boat ride from Portland). That was three years ago, and a lot has changed in my life since then. I've finished with college; the following three years of which contributed (detracted?) to some major shifts in thinking. Honk if you think enlightenment sucks.

All of the crap that clutters our lives (for me it was poker, academic b.s., job search, etc.) causes us to forget. What I forgot is that life is good. It took a long overdue return to Peaks to remind me of that fact. No matter how much manufactured, contrived, structured garbage was cluttering my thoughts, one whiff of cool sea air, one glimpse of ancient rocky shores and stark evergreen treelines was more than enough medicine to overcome the pathetic woes of post-college existence. I forgot about fishing! Swimming! Hell, mowing the overgrown meadow at the foot of the hill! Despite the wealth of things that contribute to the Peaks' allure, the best part is the people. Sure, it's getting more crowded as more people leak the secret (you didn't hear about Peaks from me). The houses change, the stores and restaurants change, but in my lifetime a special community has remained in tact. That constancy is uplifting, but the idea is better.

There are places in this world where peace and harmony abound. Perhaps the answer is not to seclude ourselves there, but to emanate even a faint reflection of the island-lifestyle everywhere we go and with everyone we meet. But I hate making new year's resolutions, so I won't do it now. But still, maybe...


My uncle Phil and me "fishing" (aka casting in vain). We caught only two striped bass over the whole week, neither was a keeper.















The float in Spar Cove has been a yearly tradition for about 6 or 7 years now. This year's version is an improvement to previous incarnations, the water is still pretty cold.